1. The N1pples.
The nipple when other things are going on with our body. Avoid nipple pinching when we’re breastfeeding or about to have our periods. It just hurts … in the bad way.
2. The Legs.
The leg when it hasn’t been shaved and we’ve been meaning to shave but just didn’t get around to it. We want to be smooth, but now you’ve gone and realized we are prickly and lazy, making us feel instantly unattractive. (Unless of course you are into that sort of thing).
3. The [email protected]
The vagina when it needs a bath. If you start going downtown and she pulls you back up, this is your red flag that she’s not feeling so fresh. Respect it because your attempt will be futile. She probably won’t enjoy it while worrying about her lady odor anyway.
4. Her Face.
The face when we’re oily or have a pimple. If you don’t know when this is because men seem to generally be blind to these sorts of things, tell your woman you think she looks so pretty. If she acts surprised and mentions something about her skin not being right or sort of looks away to hide her face, this may be a good time to avoid face touching. Or, you know, just look to see if there is a blemish.
5. The Stomach.
The stomach after a large meal. We really want to have a flat tummy, but it’s nearly impossible most times, particularly after we just ate a cheeseburger with sweet potato French fries and had a beer. Or during a premenstrual bloat. Or when we eat anything with beans.