1. MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE A NECROPHILE
You pin her down on the bed after a steamy kiss, only to realize she has magically turned into a log of wood. She takes role play too seriously. Only, there is just one role she plays each time – that of a corpse. Nothing is creepier than making love to a woman so still and silent that you’re almost able to hear the blood flowing inside your body.
Even the sound of it hurts, right? We hear you. Unfortunately many women do that. And not just to your lips. Excitement is good, but a sharp stapler for a mouth is a little too much to bear. Some women just do not know how to keep their teeth off certain sensitive areas. It’s a little more hard-hitting than even what the strongest of men can take.
3. CHANGING THEIR MIND MID-WAY
Nothing can be more annoying than a woman chickening out in bed. To make it worse, some of them express shock over even the thought of having s3x – like watching television is what normal people do after getting naked. You keep wondering why this women undressed and let you in bed in the first place if all she had to do was play with your hair.
4. LOOK DOWN AND LAUGH
No, no, no. That is definitely the worst that can happen to you. The person who shared this story is still recovering. When he was about to have his first intercourse, his girlfriend squealed out a laugh as soon as he let his buddy out. Why she did that, nobody knows. Needless to say, the intercourse didn’t happen. Hard to believe, but a lot of men have been stabbed on their self-confidence like that.
5. FAKE AN ORG@SM
Women are known to fake org@sms. What they do not understand is that most of them aren’t award winning actors. Sometimes, they overact. Letting out screams and moans at frequencies only bats can hear already when the thing isn’t even completely in doesn’t make it too hard for the dumbest among men to figure out that it’s as real as Paris Hilton’s assets.
Conversations are good. But if she brings an Ethan Hawke-Julie Delpy conversation to bed, God save you. There is a reason why those two actors from ‘Before Sunrise’ series are shown walking and not having s3x while discussing the many philosophies of life. Because that’s how it is. Some women fail to understand that there is a place and time for conversations. And the place is definitely nowhere between the sheets.