Fights and arguments can hurt your relationship or marriage in more ways than one. Almost every relationship meltdown starts with a misunderstanding and an argument which could probably lead to a fight, and then a space begins to grow between both partners; that space is usually what hurts the relationship or marriage the more; it can be filled with hate, bitterness, unforgiveness, and several misplaced feelings that can even make one cheat on a spouse.

There are healthy arguments, but when it gets to the point of shouting and raising the roof then it’s probably no longer healthy.

Couples sometimes argue and fight like kids over things that aren’t even worth it, like toothpaste. There are certain arguments couples should probably stop so as not to ruin their relationship/marriage.

 

1. MONEY

Money is like a two-edged sword; it answers all things and it also brings a lot of problems if care isn’t taken. The issue of money isn’t one that’s worth the hassle, because it would bring a lot of negativity in that union. Caution should be exercised whenever the issue of money is raised.

2. SEX

Sex! Sex! Sex! Sex has its own technicalities; sex is so important in a marriage or relationship that it isn’t one that should be argued about. The best way to go about sexual issues is just having a talk with your partner because if it gets to fights and quarrels then your marriage and relationship would suffer from it. A lack of sex would lead to a partner being disappointed, a lack of performance is also another issue, too much demand for sex could also cause a problem. There are countless issues that come along with the sex territory, so making a fuss about it would further bring chaos in your union. If not well handled, the issue of sex would lead to hate.

3. IN-LAWS

In-laws are a common cause of many arguments and fights in a lot of marriages, the mother-in-law especially. When you start fighting and quarreling with your partner over what the in-law did, didn’t do or was supposed to do then that’s one fight that might last throughout the existence of that marriage. No matter how right or wrong you are, your partner would almost always be biased regarding his/her family because that’s the family they have known all their life before meeting you, so things wouldn’t just change overnight. In-laws aren’t worth the fight with your spouse; the issue of in-laws should be treated with caution.

4. HABITS

Couples argue, quarrel and even fight about habits of their partner that they don’t like. One big question to answer is: how far has the fight gone in solving that bad habit? If you have quarreled and complained a lot of times and it didn’t work then it means you aren’t taking the right approach. Habits are formed over a period of time, so it means it could probably take a period of time to eradicate. Learn to coach and support your partner to end a habit you don’t like.

5. WHO’S RIGHT AND WHO’S WRONG

In a marriage or relationship, this is one scene that always pans out; one partner is always right and the other is always wrong, or both always claim to be right, meaning no one’s actually wrong. This scene isn’t one that always pan out well; the always-right attitude is one that creates rivalry and unnecessary bust ups. When both partners claim to be right then it means they are both wrong and should sort things out for themselves.

6. UNFORGIVING/BRINGING BACK OLD DEEDS

Couples should try to learn that when a deed is done and is in the past then for the sake of that marriage or relationship it shouldn’t probably be brought up again. When a partner becomes a victim of the other partner always bringing out a timeline of their past mistakes then it could leave such a person angry and unhappy. When it’s past, let it be. If you are a partner that continually brings up old and even very old deeds then it means that you lack a forgiving heart.

7. DIFFERENT METHODS OF DOING THINGS

We all have different methods and ways of doing things, and those ways have been built over a period of time and we’ve become very familiar with them. Surprisingly, couples quarrel and fight because they both have different methods of doing things; this isn’t worth the argument at all. Couples should learn how to accept each other and their ways of doing things also, as far as it isn’t harmful. Remember, you aren’t in that relationship with yourself.

8. WHEN SHE TAKES TOO LONG TO PREPARE

Women are usually the culprits here; it’s unusual and uncommon when you see a woman who doesn’t take too long in the bathroom, with her makeup and dressing afterwards; it’s also unusual to see a man with extraordinary patience when his lady just takes too much time.

However, this is one that usually causes huge arguments; the man feels the woman should be ready few minutes after he’s ready and he’s right; the woman as well feels she has a lot to do under a few minutes just to meet up and look good as well and she’s right — the hair, the lips, eyes, lashes and a host of other things need a lift, whereas a man virtually has little to do. They are both right here, so all they need do is look for a simple way together where they can keep time, because the usual shouting and quarreling won’t solve anything but create more problems.

 

9. I SHOULDN’T ASK, MY PARTNER SHOULD KNOW

Everyone longs for attention, love and care from their partner, and this can sometimes be built through understanding. It’s normal to think that your partner should know what you want without you telling, but it actually isn’t healthy. Your partner as well has quite a lot on his or her plate and probably wouldn’t know or notice everything about you — now this is where you come in. If that partner wouldn’t know without your telling, then tell your partner what you want — from then on, your partner would know what to do and how to do it. There is nothing wrong in giving your partner a little but subtle lecture about what you want; don’t expect him/her to know everything — communication is vital in every relationship.

10. WHO STARTED IT FIRST? 

Who started it first? Who didn’t? Who retaliated? Who said this and who didn’t? Couples should stop fighting about who started it and work together to try to find an ending to it, because at the end of the day who started it doesn’t matter; what matters is how well your relationship or marriage is doing.

Relationships and marriages need a lot to be successful; if you aren’t ready to put in a lot then you aren’t as well ready for a successful relationship.

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ZIMENE MUMAKONDA

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