So you and your boyfriend have been dating for almost six months. You may think it’s about time he knew everything about you, from your first kiss to your most secret fear. Go ahead and spill those, but there are still some secrets you should hold close to your bosom at this point in the relationship. Here are a few things you do not want your boyfriend to get wind of, even when you’ve gotten very close:
1. The Slvttiest Thing You’ve Ever Done
That marathon threesome with you had with two, strange bouncers involving a whole lot of orifices and cheese…not something to bring up unless you want to significantly disturb your lover.
2. Which Of His Friends You Think Are Cute
His best friend Danny has abs you could cut glass with… but never mention that to your guy. Unless you want jealous back-and-forth glances from him next time you and Danny inhabit the same room.
3. How Many People You’ve Slept With
Unless you want to know his number, too…
4. How Much You Still Care About Your Exes
Sleeping with them behind his back is one thing, but if you just still love and care about them as people you once shared a very special bond with, you should definitely keep those relationships alive. Just let your boyfriend know that you guys still hang out without gushing about their various attributes.
5. That You Happen To Hate His Fat Stomach
Or whatever minor physical defect that irks you. He can’t do anything about it, and it’s small enough that it would be ridiculous to mention when you adore everything else about the guy.
6. How Much You Can’t Stand His Mother
He may not be able to stand her, either, but it’s his mother you’re talking about. Show some respect.
7. How Much Money You Stand To Inherit
Hey, guys can dig for gold, too. You don’t want to give your finances a chance to influence your lover’s feelings, whether you’re broke or rolling in it.
8. Details From That Weekend You Spent With The Girls
Chez Mtemba, peeing on the street, vomiting, and showing off to rich older men? He may not want to hear about it, just saying.
9. How Much Your Most Expensive Shoes Cost
Why face the inevitable ridicule on this one? Men will never understand the concept of fabulous shoes, so don’t bother trying to explain it.
10. He Reminds You Of Your Dad/Brother/Uncle
Avoid the incestuous comments, please. How would you like it if he went on and on about the similarities between you and his mother?
11. He’s Not Your “Usual Type”
No one needs to hear that. Instead of making him feel warm and fuzzy for the fact that you love him anyway, it will simply make him worry about his inadequacy.
12. The Size Of His D!ck Compared To Others You’ve Seen
Again, this is clearly an adequacy issue.
13. Your Parents Don’t Like Him
This will inevitably make him act extra self-conscious or maybe even resentful around them, in turn making them like him even less. Telling him this gets him stuck in the land of zero parental approval.
14. You Cheated On Your Last Boyfriend
Congratulations! Now he will never trust you again.
15. You’re Two Days Late For Your Period
No reason to raise the alarm just yet! If two days stretches into a month, then you should probably let him in the issue…