Does dating a virgin make your relationship better? Does marrying a virgin make your marriage prone to divorce? Does it make you a better person? A relationship expert writes…

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I am seriously seeking a husband for my friend. She is a virgin and in her mid-twenties. One of the key requirements is that the would-be husband must be a virgin.

She is a wealthy young woman who is untouched and so she wants to marry someone who is sexually pure too. She wants a tall, dark, handsome, hardworking, God-fearing and very “virginistic” husband.

You think I am joking, right?

I am sure a lot of you out there are wondering what exactly virginity has to do with being married. While some think that male virgins don’t exist, they assume that sex automatically runs in the male organs and so he can choose to have s*x as freely as he wants it. So, the question of virginity has been left for only the female to battle with.

Also, you will hear some men saying things like: ‘I want to marry a good girl who is a virgin.’ ‘My wife must be a virgin’ and ‘I can’t do anything less than marry a virgin as my wife.’

However, go and ask these men if they are virgins too and you will realize they are not. So, if you are not a virgin why are you searching for a virgin to marry? Do you need one for ritualistic purpose or what exactly is on your mind?

I find it so difficult to comprehend why some men are desperate for virgins when they are not one. Does dating a virgin make your relationship better? Does marrying a virgin make your marriage prone to divorce? Does it make you a better person? Seriously, I need a good explanation backed up with scientific facts – if you are going to educate me about this. Please spare any religious details if you really want to educate me about this.

Yesterday, I met a man who asked me if I knew any virgin girl that he could marry. I was livid. A virgin girl? Are you going to just marry her straight because she is a virgin or because you love her, I asked? He mumbled some inconsequential reasons why he must marry one. After he was done, I asked him if he was one and he laughed. He looked at me in a weird way and told me he is not one, stressing that he is a real man. Can you imagine that? I told him that women who lost their virginity too were real women. He cast a skeptical gaze on me and insisted I was wrong. He said women who didn’t marry as virgins were spoilt. I kept quiet because I knew there was no point arguing with this kind of person. He has a closed mind and so his case is a hopeless one.

How can a man who has lost the count of the women he has slept with, be hunting for virgins like he is featuring in Gulder Ultimate Search Reality TV show? There are men out there who are passionate about deflowering a girl. It is like these conquests will add some kind of prestige to their resume and at the end of the day they would be rewarded with medals.

I find it difficult to process that a modern man thinks this way. Virginity means nothing. It is only a hymen.

Moreover, I have heard about men who became angry that they didn’t see blood when they had sex with their virgin spouse. What sort of vampire syndrome is that? Are you going to make a cocktail drink out of that bloodstain?

For this kind of people, the search of virgins is like a steroid; they get high on it. That is why some wild girls who pretended to be virgin successfully exploited many of them.

These girls trick these men, take their money, marry them and when they get down they give them sob stories. I laugh at their foolishness and I am not sympathetic towards them.

Arrrrgh!!! Virginity is not an asset! And there are terrible virgins too. A virgin can become promiscuous after her hymen has been broken. A virgin is capable of stabbing her husband too. That angelic innocent picture of a virgin is becoming blurry.

Please don’t get me wrong, if you are a virgin it is a good thing and I am a huge fan of sexual purity. But sexual purity should be from both parties and not tilted to the female gender alone.

I frown at the fact that the society puts so much pressure on the girl-child to be sexually pure and allow the boy-child to be sexually reckless. Mothers take their daughters for virginity test at the slightest suspicion; I think this is sexist, painful and traumatizing for these girls.

Our society is unfair to women. We tell our daughters to keep their cookies in sealed jars and we let our sons run around.

Men are applauded when they stray and women are told to keep themselves for their husbands. After all, it is only the job of the woman to protect her virginity. Oh! What a double standard.

That is why we are here today: we are left to deal with many men who cannot control their libidos, men who disrespect their wives. Oh! what a shame!

A woman is being defined by her virginity while a man is praised by his many sexual conquests.

In a world where seemingly anything goes, I think our message needs to change. We need to tell our daughters and sons that sexual purity is cool and that keeping themselves until marriage brings joy and fulfillment.

Moreover, men who are crazy about marrying virgins, what proves virginity is just a membrane in the vaginal canal. A virgin doesn’t translate to a good wife. Marrying a virgin doesn’t mean you will both be compatible. You always want to be the man that hits first. The other women you had in the past, who will marry them? Oh! So you can’t take what you dished out in the past.

For you, a woman who is not a virgin has had overwhelming sexual adventures that you can’t handle. Perhaps you are like that too. If you think virginity is a psychological barrier for you then stay away from marriage. If not, you will keep judging your wife because you can’t deal with her past. For a healthy relationship, tame your wild imaginations. It won’t help you. Be realistic. You may not marry a virgin. Our generation is very experimental with sex and raw too. We are in the pervasive era, so getting a virgin might be a long thing. There are good women out there irrespective of whether they are virgins or not.

Remember that virginity test is done on the wedding night. Then the real marriage begins. So, what happens afterwards? Do you want to end up with a wife that qualifies only for the wedding night or a wife that will walk with you till death?

Instead of bothering yourself with these insignificant issues why don’t you focus on the more important things like what you want in a wife; focus on love, trust, loyalty and whether that person is someone you can trust with your life. Be careful that your quest for a virgin doesn’t make you miss a very wonderful and loving woman.

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By: Bolatitio on Sunday for The Sun.

ZIMENE MUMAKONDA

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