A relationship is supposed to bring happiness, joy and peace, but this isn’t always the story most of the time because of the sort of people we get involved with. When you’re with the right person, your relationship can be everything you want it to be and more, but disappointment is the only possible end when you settle for the following set of people…

1. THE ONE WHO WANTS YOU FOR YOUR APPEARANCE

It is totally acceptable for anyone to admire the way you look, but is it okay for that to be the only reason why they want you? I don’t think so. If someone wants you for your physical beauty, what happens when it fades away or they see someone even better looking than you are? Your guess is as good as mine. While physical beauty is good, it should never be the basis for getting involved with anyone. A relationship should be built on more important attributes than just beauty. In fact, it is better to be loved for being attractive from the inside than from the outside. Love me because I am smart, understanding, and calm, not because I look like Brad Pitt. Relationships that are built on beauty and outer appearance never last.

In case you’re wondering how you can tell who wants you for your looks, pay more attention to their conversations with you. They never say anything reasonable, except that something along the lines of… ‘you look too good to be real’. They tend to keep complimenting you just to brainwash you into thinking they have genuine intentions toward you – nothing about your family, nothing about your personal life, nothing about your future because they don’t see themselves there.

2. THE ONE YOU WANT WAY MORE THAN THEY WANT YOU

I have been in a position like this, so, I’ll use my story to explain my point.

During my university days, I met this young woman on one of the popular social media platforms. It was during the holidays, so we didn’t get to meet until school resumed. To cut it short, we met, and became friends, and along the line, she developed feelings for me. Of course, she didn’t tell me immediately, but after a few years, she’s told me she was attracted to me. But the problem was that the feeling wasn’t mutual. I did like her, but not from the romantic P.O.V. To not be a complete jerk, though, I told her I liked her too, but just wasn’t ready for a relationship. Of course she kept pressuring me, but I didn’t yield. Now, I didn’t yield, not because she was any less a woman than those I get involved with or because I couldn’t do it to please her, but if I had, it would have been out of pity, and it wouldn’t have lasted. I realized that I didn’t like her enough to get involved with her romantically. In fact, I had absolutely no feelings whatsoever for her. Getting involved with her would amount to displeasure for me, which would go on to create even bigger problems for the relationship. I would definitely cheat on her, and I wouldn’t respect and value her enough. This is where some of us get it wrong. We want someone, so badly, and even when it’s obvious they do not want us back, we keep holding on, and pressurizing them forgetting that if they eventually gave in, it would be out of pity or maybe to take advantage of our feelings. A relationship should involve two people who feel exactly the same way about each other. When the feelings are one-sided, the relationship doesn’t last, because feelings and emotions will be trampled upon. Get involved only with those who show genuine enthusiasm towards being with you. Those who you can almost say they love you more than you do them, even though you feel just the same. Do not give anyone the privilege of thinking they’re doing you a favour by being with you.

3. THE ONE WHO WANTS YOU BECAUSE OF YOUR FINANCIAL OR SOCIAL STATUS

There are millions of young men and women out there who’re out seeking vulnerable people to prey on and feed off— I call them leaches. For people like this, the only reason why they may get involved in a relationship with anyone is the perceived financial and material benefits that they stand to gain. Not because they care about you or want you genuinely. They come into your life, plunder your finances and move on to the next victim. The good news is that people like this are actually easy to identify; all you need do is withdraw those benefits, and you’ll see their true colours.

4. THE ONE WHO GETS ANGRY AT THE SLIGHTEST PROVOCATION

Need I say more? Anyone who cannot put their emotions in check is a ticking time bomb, one day, they’ll explode, and as long as you’re around them, you’ll be the casualty. We are humans, yes, but that doesn’t mean we can’t control our emotions. If you can’t, it is because you do not want to, and that makes you immature, and unfit for a relationship.

5. THE PERPETUAL LIAR

It’s okay to forgive when one tells a lie, however it is absolutely unacceptable and unforgivable when lying becomes habitual. It is a sign of blatant disregard for your feelings and person. It also means that the person doesn’t care or love you enough to be truthful with you. One fact about habitual liars is that they rarely change, once you realize their true colours, be as far away from them as possible. A perpetual liar will do anything to hold a lie. They will apologize for it the moment they’re busted, but will do it all over again. It’s who they are.

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ZIMENE MUMAKONDA

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