Once a couple of people have settled into a relationship, things can fall into a bit of a rut. Routines form, the attentiveness that was present at the beginning of the courtship might be replaced by content complacency, and ultimately tensions arise. These simple tips may seem like common sense, but you may be surprised at how often people forget about their importance.
Communication is Vital
Very few of us are able to read one anotherâs minds, so itâs important to express things that weigh on us, whether theyâre positive or negative. Little behaviors that bother us can become more irksome over time, so itâs good to address them early, before the irritation accumulates to the point of anger. Similarly, miscommunications can lead to some pretty ugly arguments, so if youâre uncertain about something, try to discuss it calmly so you can sort things out: you may have misheard or misread something your partner said/did and taken it totally out of context, so clarify before freaking out about anything. Even though we may feel that we know our partners well after being with them for several years, remember that we all grow and change over time, and methods of communication must change along with us as needed.
Never Take Each Other for Granted
Be aware of every wonderful thing that your partner does for you, and express your gratitude whenever possible. This might be as simple as thanking them for doing the dishes after youâve eaten dinner, or telling them how much it means to you that they make your coffee/tea exactly the way you like it. Theyâll feel appreciated for the love and kindness they show you, and will express their appreciation to you in turn, so no one ever feels like their actions arenât being acknowledged.
Respect Each Otherâs Alone Time
Togetherness is important, but just as important (if not more so) is the ability to spend time alone. Too much time spent together can make you irritable, especially if you feel like your personal space is always being invaded. Time alone is necessary for personal reflection, growth, meditation, or even just quiet contemplation. Remember that absence makes the heart grow fonder, and youâll appreciate your partner a lot more after having some space away from them. If you live together, it might be a good idea to have personal spaces that you can retreat to: either individual offices, or a garage workshop for one person and an attic library for another, etc.
Donât âLet Yourself Goâ
Itâs inevitable that once certain comfort levels have been reached and closeness wins out over early awkwardness, some behavioral patterns will change. You might not spend an hour prepping before dinner to make sure that your hair is perfect, or your partner might wear the same pants for two days in a row without worrying about what you might think of their outfit. Thatâs totally normal, and really quite hilarious. That said, closer comfort levels donât mean that you should neglect your personal hygiene, or let your living space fall into complete ruin. You know theyâre not going to judge you if you leave pizza boxes all over the floor, but that doesnât mean that you should. Try to keep things tidy and your appearance a step or two above âslovenly,â and your partner will undoubtedly feel that theyâre worth making an effort for.
Share Some Hobbies, and Have Solo Pursuits as Well
You might not share your partnerâs love of MMORPGs, and they may not be interested in your love of foreign films, and you know what? Thatâs absolutely okay. While itâs great to pursue some hobbies and interests together, itâs important to have your own social groups and interests as well. Take cooking classes or swing dance lessons together, hook up with friends to go to wine tasting nights, but then split off for your individual pursuits: youâll have fun things to talk about when you meet up afterwards.
Admit When Youâre Wrong (or When Theyâre Right)
This may be difficult for some people to do, but it really is important. If you discover that youâve been wrong about an issue/bit of information/whatnot, own up to it: youâll gain your partnerâs appreciation and respect if you do, and if you donât, youâre just proving yourself to be an immature, pouty jerk. Additionally, if youâve been discussing something and your partner turns out to be in the right, acknowledge that fact: they may have been filled with self-doubt, and acknowledging their awareness or knowledge may boost their self-esteem exponentially.
Have Faith In Your Partner
Having trust and faith in another person can be difficult, especially if youâve been hurt by others in the past. If youâve been cheated on or otherwise betrayed by another partner, you might worry that the same thing will happen in your current relationship, and this may cause you to imagine things or accuse your partner without just cause. If you find that your own insecurities are poisoning your partnership, talk it out with them and consider seeking therapy: theyâre not the person who hurt you, so please donât assume that just because one person treated you badly, everyone else will too.
Leave the Past In the Past
If you work through a hardship together and come to a positive resolution, move past it and use the experience as an opportunity to learn and grow. Donât refer back to it during arguments, donât bring it up as a means of guilt-tripping your partner, and try not to assume that just because something happened once, that itâll happen again. Whatâs passed is past, and rehashing old ugliness will just poison future happiness. Let it go.
Mutual Goals are Important
Itâs great to have a goal or a project that youâre both working on together, as that can affect many aspects of your life outside of your actual relationship. You could be working on an art piece, saving up for a trip, building a cottage, or even working on a garden. Determine your strengths for the project so youâre working in harmony, and build something amazing that you can be proud of having achieved as a team.
Some people lie to their partners for years out of fear of hurting or offending them, but that can lead to a whole lot of ugliness on all sides. The one being lied to will know that something is wrong, and the one lying may feel more and more frustration about holding back and the relationship may end up suffering badly as a result. This honesty doesnât have to deal with outright lies, but rather personal interests or preferences that may have changed over the years. Alternately, there could be some serious issues that really should be dealt with, but are internalized out of fear of hurting the other person. Ultimately, honesty really is the best policy, and a strong couple will be able to work through just about anything together.