5 things women need to know about experiencing orgasms

Since knowledge will expel ignorance, let’s get straight into telling you all you need to know about this topic.

During orgasm, muscles contract, heart rate increases, blood flows into the vagina, vulva becomes swollen, the clitoris expands – almost like a man’s erection – and the vagina becomes wet as a result of the friction leading to the dopamine and endorphin powered sensation known as orgasms.

The amazing thing is when sex is done right, she can have multiple orgasms in quick succession.

I asked some women to describe what orgasms feel like for them and this is what they said:

Sienna: “It feels like a volcanic eruption like I can’t speak or move.”

Bisi: “It feels like heaven, it’s so good.”

Susan: “It feels like a release, I feel so light [afterwards].”

One in six women has never experienced orgasm – and for most women, it takes a long time.

Studies reveal that it takes women an average of 13 minutes and 25 seconds to orgasm. This is called orgasmic latency – the time between arousal and orgasm.

I asked some women how long it takes for them to orgasm based on the time it takes for a song to start and finish.

So, assuming most songs last for three minutes and above, most women said two to three songs was enough for them to climax.

Stress, anxiety, past trauma like rape, old age, difficulty in feeling aroused, and lack of lubrication.

Women need to take their orgasms in their hands. So much can be done to make them feel great about sexual experiences.

Here are some things to do…

1. Know your body

Know thyself is cardinal. Your body is yours to explore – alone or with your partner.

Every woman should be well-versed in her body, she should know what and where turns her on and what will lead her to orgasm.

Is it hands, mouth or actual penetration that will make you feel good? What’s the right speed? Find out these things for a good time.

For Bisi, “my libido is usually high, so it doesn’t take me much to orgasm. But when I like the guy or have a crush on him, the feeling is heightened.

Sienna will orgasm, “when he holds me tightly.”

2. Set the mood

Are you a light on or off person? Do you want dim lights? Scented candles? Music? Freshly bathed bodies?

Since everything stems from knowledge, consider what can sets the mood for you.

3. Auditory aids

Some women get aroused from words. Sexting, or talking dirty or sweetly to them is enough to make them want to rip their clothes off.

Cuddle and then share some sweet sexual imagery and affectionate words with your partner.

You might also like running commentary during intercourse, perhaps men praising your skills and telling you things he loves or enjoys about being with you.

4. Let yourself go

Being in your head is one of the worst things you can do. Dami, who I asked about this, said: “my partner usually gives me head and wants me to squirt but I feel it is pee, so I hold back.”

Meanwhile, squirting is simply the expulsion of urine during an orgasm and for many people, that’s a kink. If Dami lets herself go, she just might squirt.

5. Visual aids

For some people, looking at erotica gets them in the mood.

Though you shouldn’t always rely on this as it could become an addiction, but if you want to shorten the time between arousal and orgasm, help yourself to some erotic images and videos.

Lastly, use a lot of lubrication. It’s the magic substance on your way to orgasms.

Store bought lube or olive oil, according to Medical News Today, “olive oil has the potential to dissolve latex condoms, which can increase the risk of infection and unintended pregnancy”.

Coconut oil, avocado oil and aloe vera are good alternatives. Stay away from saliva, vaseline and baby oil they cause infections.