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Ladies, have you ever wished you could take a trip into your man’s mind, and explore it? You know, read his thoughts, know what he thinks about, and how to please him? Well, if you’re one of those ladies who’ve wished for this, smile because it is your lucky day. Today, I’ll be taking you into the mind of a man, and telling you some of the things he probably doesn’t tell you, but wishes you knew anyway.
WARNING: you may not like everything you find in there.
1. WE LOVE YOU, BUT WE ALSO LOVE OUR SPORTS, VIDEO GAME AND MOBILE PHONE
Ladies, we know you want us to give you all the attention in the world, and be there at your beck and call every other time, but you need to understand that we have other things that require our time and attention as well; like our video game and mobile phone, and sports. In addition to you, they are the spice of our life (you know, just like your makeup and clothes) so please, allow us enjoy them in peace. It’s always irritating when you try to keep us away from them with your persistent ‘cry’ for attention. We may not tell you this, but it is the truth. Keeping us away from those things is like keeping us away from total happiness… It hurtsssssss!
2. WE HATE PUBLIC EMBARRASSMENT…WE HATE IT!
You know how we go out together, and you see your favourite male celebrity in the mall or restaurant and for a brief moment, treat him like he’s a god? –irritating! Sometimes, you even hand us your phone, and ask us to take a photo of you two. It is totally embarrassing ladies, and the only reason we don’t talk to you about it is just so we don’t seem like a jerk. Please, tone it down, ladies.
And before I forget, why do some of you feel like the only way you can show your displeasure at any wrong we do in public is by slapping us…in public? First of all, you should never have to slap us in the first place; it kills our confidence and makes us feel less masculine. If we do you wrong in public, walk out on us if you like (at least, that’s fairer), but don’t raise your hands on us. It doesn’t go down well with our nature. You feel me? Thank you!
3. OUR BALLS ARE NOT FOOTBALL; THEY DO HURT
When most women go mad at a man, they aim straight for his balls. Ladies, our balls are not meant to be kicked around like football, they’re there to help us make babies…and perform other functions in bed. They hurt like a gun wound when you kick them, but I’m sure you already know that so consider this a reminder.
4. WE CAN’T KEEP OUR FRIENDS AWAY
I’ve had a few women in my life, so I know how they feel about our hommies and friends. Women don’t wanna see no friend around their man, they don’t want no hommies visiting or even calling him on the phone, and I just can’t understand how that should work. Ladies, most of our friends and hommies were there even before you came in, so how do you expect us to throw them away just because you don’t like them? How would you feel if we asked you to cut out all ties to your female friends? Friends have always, and will always be there. Please, learn to deal with that reality.
5. WE WILL ALWAYS FIND OTHER WOMEN ATTRACTIVE
Yes, there’ll always be another woman who’s prettier than you are, and another whose booty is 3 times the size of yours, and we will always look at them. It doesn’t mean we want to be with them; it’s just the way it is. And before you go thinking we can’t fight the urge, know that we try, babe…we try, but the harder we try to ignore other women, the harder it is to actually ignore them. We always feel awful when you get sad because we checked out some girl at the mall or in the street. Please, understand that it’s not entirely our doing. Lol. Please note that this doesn’t mean you’re allowed to check out other guys as well…we will hate!
6. WE ARE NOT MIND READERS
Ladies, we know you love us so much, and as a reason, sometimes, think of us so highly, you even give us superpowers in your subconscious. Lol. All I’m saying is, when you’re angry at something or someone (maybe us) or bothered by anything at all, don’t give us the silent treatment. Don’t go mute, and expect us to supernaturally know why you’re sad. We can’t know unless you tell us, and if you don’t tell us, we can’t fix it (or apologize if we’re wrong). Please, learn to speak your mind more. Thanks for your cooperation.
7. WE HATE TO HOLD YOUR PURSE(S) AND BAGS FOR YOU
It kills our masculinity when you ask us to help you hold your purse and bags in public. I mean, it’s not a guy thing, it’s a female thing. I know we don’t complain when you put us in this situation, but it makes us uncomfortable, trust me. We love you, and that’s the only reason we oblige.
8. WHATEVER YOU GOTTA SAY…ALWAYS GO STRAIGHT TO THE POINT
You always complain we don’t give you enough attention and time, but when you do get it, you don’t know how to utilize it properly. When we lovingly do make out time for you to tell us whatever it is you want to, please, make it as brief as possible, and cut right to the chase. Don’t go telling us stories, and unnecessary details like you do with your girls because we ain’t got that time. Men get bored by stories, so please, get right to the point, and save our lives. Besides, there could be an important game on TV!
9. WE ARE NOT MACHINES IN BED, WE ARE HUMANS
Some women expect us men to pound and pound them in bed until they’re totally satisfied, but it can’t always work that way. There will be times when we’ll give you our best, and there will be times when we cannot go all the way. Please, understand that. We can’t always last as much as 1 hour; sometimes, we’ll only last 5 minutes, but we need you to love us like that, and stop making that angry face you make when it doesn’t go perfect to your plan in bed.
10. WE HATE IT WHEN YOU’RE STIFF AND EMOTIONLESS IN BED
Yes, ladies, we hate it when we’re hitting it, and you just lie down there, emotionless and stiff like we ain’t actually hitting it. It makes it look like we ain’t doing well enough, and that can kill our excitement faster than anything. Moan, twist, whine by all means because they turn us on, and make us do even more. *wink*
