Here is our usual Friday Life Skill Article, since father’s day just passed we dedicated this weeks article to our Malawian men; When it comes down to the clutch moments in life, more than anything else, a man is pitted against himself. And hell, when an attractive woman is involved, getting out of your head is easier said than done. But your success with women doesn’t have to hinge on a flawless game face — here are 10 steps to finding the real thing.
No.10 Look immaculate
Sometimes it’s all in the little details. A crisp, ironed white shirt. Clean, trim fingernails. A fresh hairstyle undertaken out of routine, not manic, overgrown necessity. This shouldn’t be a Herculean effort, or a 2-hour extension on your mornings. Keep it simple, and consistent. Sure, women will notice these minute details, but knowing that you’ve gone to the effort to take care of yourself and your look? The satisfaction is all yours, lads.
No.9 Recognise that it’s rarely all about looks
Ah, yes — only two rules in and we’ve contradicted ourselves.
Just as looking good is all about taking pride in yourself, it’s remiss to presume women are as visual as we are. You’ve seen far too many bombshells walking around with schmucks for that to be true. But those schmucks have something going on. It might be that they’re compelling. Driven. Ambitious. Or it might just be that they’re perfectly average blokes that have taken the initiative to drive the relationship.
Don’t short-change yourself by using aesthetics as a reason to limit your options. Know what you want, and don’t be afraid to go for it.
No.8 Understand Why She’s Resisting You
While men’s attraction can be flicked on (or off) in an instant, even a perfectly attractive and seemingly harmless man presents a dilemma for a woman. It’s easy to be put off when a woman you’ve just met is a little restrained, or less-than receptive. High value women will screen out men that come their way, until they’re more certain about them. It’s your job to establish comfort and rapport.
If you’re ejecting 5 minutes in, because she’s “not giving you anything,” you might be selling yourself short. Steer the ship without the fear of failure, and barge through the niceties. Real connections aren’t made in 2 minutes of small talk.
No.7 Slow down a notch
Sometimes, it’s important to take a step back, and breathe. Slow down your speech and focus on intonation and eye contact. Smile too. Enjoy the moment, and she will too.
No.6 Live by your own rules
Every man needs to know where the boundaries are in his life, and to have rules to live by. Know what is and isn’t acceptable in your life, and reference it constantly. This is empowering in all sorts of ways. In times of doubt, reference your own set of rules and come to your own conclusion.
Let go of worrying about what other people think, and you’ll act more freely. You can recognise what other people might think of you, but don’t let it have any bearing on your self-esteem.
No.5 Be demanding
Having standards of your own — and standards that go beyond superficiality — is a huge boost in credibility. Know what you’re looking for in a woman’s personality, lifestyle, or even career. The idea is to remove the puppy dog, love-at-first-sight emotional immaturity from your arsenal. You’re a discerning man. Act like it.
No.4 See “failures” as incompatibility
Many guys take indifference or rejection from a woman as a body blow. A character flaw. This mentality will only hurt your chances. Meeting someone with the pressure of your ego tied into the interaction will throw you off. Enter into everything knowing that any outcome, good or bad, isn’t a reflection on the quality of your character — it’s a reflection on compatibility.
No.3 Know why you want her
In all of the lust and nerves of approaching and meeting a woman, it’s important to understand, and be unabashed about your intentions. Do you love the way she carries herself — are you curious about her? Or are you rendered powerless by her looks? Are you doing it to impress your friends? Impress yourself? Know where you’re coming from. Whatever it is — own that. Authenticity will always win.
No.2 The last pick-up line you’ll ever need
In the search for the perfect opening line, many men forget the simplest one of all: “Hi, my name is X.”
Boring? Ernest? Charismatic? Weak? It’s entirely in the delivery. Having the confidence to walk up to a woman and calmly introduce yourself shows more initiative and value than you might think. When you’re content with who you are, there’s no need for flashy quips or wanky turns of phrase.
No.1 Live a satisfying life
Think: are you satisfied with your life? Not ‘content’. Satisfied. Think about where you’re coming from with a woman: are you hoping that she’ll make your life satisfying? Fill a void? Living the life you want to lead has a miraculous way of making the dominos fall in your favour. It’ll let you look at your dating life in abundance. By living a fulfilling lifestyle, you can give real value to everyone you encounter — instead of taking, taking, taking from every bombshell that comes into your life. Really think about it: what do you have to offer?
Have a Great Weekend.
Face of Malawi.